Hi! This is the first time I have shared my story in such a public way. It’s scary to be so vulnerable, but I know God will use my story for His glory; I pray that it will encourage those who read it.
A year ago I walked into the Fellowship Hall of my church for Sunday school. My heart was beating rapidly as I found a seat in the corner. I knew what was coming….Assurance update. Great.
I knew that I could skip Sunday school, and no one would know, but something pushed me down the hall and away from the parking lot. I know now that God was pursuing me, but at the time I felt the need to force myself to listen as a form of punishment. As Ronda began to speak, I clenched my teeth in an attempt to hold back any emotion….I can’t lose it in the middle of Sunday school. Everyone will know. No one understands.
As I sat, now biting the inside of my mouth, Emily* began to share her story. She talked about her abortion openly – almost joyfully. I was shocked and amazed by her bravery. For the first time in my life, I was hearing a woman share her pain – my pain, my heartache. But there was something different. She was free. And then she dropped the bomb – Her child had a sex and a name….I’m not the only one.
Those 45 minutes changed everything. By no means was the change instantaneous,but it was certainly the beginning. The next day I contacted Assurance and met with Janet. At the time, I thought I had done as much healing as a person could do a decade after an abortion. Still, I continued to feel God pressing in and demanding my obedience.
In the end, I agreed to be a part of a bible study for post-abortive women….Eight. Long. Weeks.
It is truly the hardest thing I have ever done; and to be honest, it was difficult to understand why God wanted me to go back to that life-shattering day and remember the pain I kept buried deep within my heart.
And then one day everything clicked. I’m not sure how to describe it, but there was finally peace within my heart. I knew that God held all things….I am redeemed.
God alone paved this incredible path for my healing, and I was finally willing to walk with Him. I knew that He tilled the soil of my parched, desolate heart. I began to grieve fully and intentionally. The idea that I was actually allowed to grieve was a life-altering experience. By doing so I was able separate my abortion from my child. The abortion procedure is traumatic enough; but because it was the only memory of my baby, I struggled to free myself from that experience. Through the ReKnew class, I was able to separate my abortion from the relationship God wants me to have with my child and with Him. For the first time in 10+ years, I can think of Kelsey Anne with God and with the most beautiful purpose imaginable. It was her life that helped save mine.