Hi, My name is Emily Jones. I have the amazing opportunity to share with you about this journey of redemption the Lord has taken me on. The words of the Co-Leader of the ReKnew program still sound so clear in my head, “I know you’re thinking there isn’t a light at the end of this tunnel, but I promise you there is.” Meanwhile, I just sat there thinking, “If only you knew what I had been through, there is no light, there is no joy, there is no redemption from this.” Oh man, I was so wrong.
When I was 15 years old I had an abortion. At the time it seemed like my only option. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. I kept this secret for nearly five years. I was in bondage for five years. Shame, guilt, depression, anger, regret all filled my heart and I thought I would never get out of it. I found Jesus through a ministry called Young Life my eighth grade year at summer camp. It was obvious that Satan was fighting for my heart just as much as my Creator was. When I had the abortion, I thought there was no way that God could forgive me. In my eyes I had committed the “unforgivable” sin. I tried lots of different counseling and even medication to help with the anxiety and depression I felt after the abortion. But nothing seemed to provide complete healing. Because none of that stuff was intended to completely heal me.
The thought of freedom kept me up at night. I knew I needed to share this secret and try to get some help. I finally confided in a close friend, and this led me to Assurance. I met the most amazing woman, Janet, who has helped me through this entire process. Of course, I was terrified to walk into the Center for the first time. All I could think about was I am from Lexington; surely I am going to run into someone I know and then the whole world will know what I did…. It’s so crazy how the Lord changed my heart and now I am writing an article about my “secret!”
When Janet told me about the ReKnew program and all it was about, I couldn’t say no. For the first time I felt like I had found something that might actually give me healing. I was warned it was going to be difficult at times but at that point I was so desperate. There is no way for me to put on paper how life changing this program was for me!
The 8-week program helped me to understand and deal with all of the things I had kept silent for so long. The best part about this program was the bible study and reading about how God forgave us and He could heal us from this. We talked about anger, guilt, and forgiveness. All things I thought I would never get over. The third week of the bible study changed everything. That was the week that we talked about forgiveness. We were asked to write down every sin that we had ever committed on little slips of paper. Then the leaders returned with vases of water and asked us to put the slips of paper in the water. Of course on one of those slips was the word “abortion.” When I put my slips of paper in the vases, I watched as they effortlessly dissolved. Completely disappeared. I sat back in my chair and understood finally the forgiveness and grace of our merciful Father. He forgives all of our sins, even the ones we think He can’t.
As the weeks went on, God was slowly picking up the pieces of my heart and mending them back together. In the seventh week of the program, we had a memorial service for our children. We wrote them letters and bought them flowers in their honor. For the first time this was starting to sink in: I’m a mom. The leaders gave us the rest of our time together to ask God to reveal anything to us or do whatever we needed to do to process everything we had learned so far. Right after I had the abortion, I had this feeling that it was going to be a girl. So, I bowed my head and closed my eyes. All I wanted was to see her face. Immediately my eyes fill with light… it was almost like I was standing behind a glass window but in the distance I saw this little girl skipping towards me. Her long brown hair flowed behind her and her pink dress swayed as she moved. And then she looked right at me and I got a close look at her face. I can see every dimple in her sweet cheeks. Her big brown eyes filled with happiness and her little teeth as she is smiling straight at me. It was magnificent. That peace I had always wanted to feel, that light at the end of the tunnel; this was it! I could physically feel God healing my wounded heart.
The Lord gave me the healing that I needed. He knew exactly what to do. That vision has changed my life. But there is no way I would have been able to experience what I did or see my beautiful baby girl without the help of Assurance and the ReKnew program. I was never going to receive healing alone and this program gave me the opportunity to be healed from my deepest wound with the love and forgiveness of God. This program and the amazing women that help run it changed my life forever. I am now walking with God in a way that I never thought was possible.
I have been redeemed. I am loved unconditionally. I am fully renewed.
If you or someone you know has experienced an abortion, please call us… we are here to help.