I became pregnant at the age of 19. The pregnancy came as a total shock and the fear overwhelmed me. You see, I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family. My dad left when I was 9 and my mom was on her 4th marriage by the time I was 12. My mom was a very angry person and took it out on me. I knew if I told her I was pregnant that she would try to hurt me. A friend loaned me the money, and the abortion was over before I could think clearly.
But God never left my side! My mom did do one thing right. She made sure I was in church every time the door was open. I accepted Christ at the age of 9, the same year my dad left. The assurance of knowing I had a Heavenly Father got me through the hardest days. Little did I know then how I would test my Father.
I hid the abortion deep down in my soul. I graduated from college and met the man of my dreams. That man moved me from Alabama to Kentucky and we were married a year later. God led us to a church where the pastor spoke openly about abortion. Honestly, it scared me to death. I did not want to hear the truth. But God kept calling me back to that church. This pastor had played a part in AA Pregnancy Center, which is now Assurance. He talked about the forgiveness that is available to those with abortions in their past, but I would have nothing to do with it. I was angry that someone was telling me I had done something wrong when it seemed like it was my only choice.
When I became pregnant with our first child, I knew I had to tell my husband about my abortion. My husband was so supportive that I knew I had to deal with what God was doing in my heart. I gave my pain to God and He forgave me. But could I forgive myself?
Years later, I met several people that were associated with Assurance. I began to learn how amazing this place was and about the work of saving lives, the babies, and their parents. A dear friend suggested I meet Janet and join a ReKnew group.
It changed my life! I was able to meet other women with similar stories and the same goal. We all needed clarity as to how to deal with the regret and pain from losing a child by our own doing. I had thought my baby was a boy but God showed me that my child was actually a little girl named Joy. He spoke to several others in the Renew class as well and revealed amazing truths to us all.
My mother passed away in 2005 and I never told her about my abortion. I felt such a relief that I would never have to hurt her with that fact. However, I know she is holding Joy in Heaven and that gives me peace! I have since told my children and after the tears cleared, my children still love me. Joy will forever be a part of who I am and Joy is what I want every woman to know is possible through the power and strength of Christ, our Savior.
