My name is Katherine, and I am writing to share the story of my unplanned pregnancy. Years ago, I was a college student in Kentucky. Up until I went to college, I lived in a two parent household. It was very dysfunctional. Before my parents’ divorce, I was a daddy’s girl and thought of him as a protector. After their divorce, I suddenly decided to go to college. I was unprepared for the new relationships that I would soon form. Growing up, sex and relationships were never discussed in my home.
During my first year of college, I was completely independent. I thought I had to do everything on my own. Wasn’t I supposed to do college on my own? At nineteen, I was an adult and convinced of the need for my independence. Little did I know isolating myself would make me a prime candidate for an emotionally abusive relationship.
I went home for the weekend, and my girlfriend and I went to an after hours nightclub. I was standing next to a table when a young man named John approached me and asked me to dance. We danced and talked for hours. It was as if neither one of us wanted the night to end. That night ended with me receiving my first kiss.
That kiss was just one of the first that I shared with John. After seeing each other for a year, we decided to take our relationship to the next level. We had sex, “protected sex,” but condoms do nothing to protect the heart. As we continued dating for the next few months, his true nature began to come out. He was controlling and took the relationship for granted.
I went to the University of Kentucky clinic, and a nurse saw me. She thought that I was pregnant but could not confirm it. Resultantly, I went to the AA Pregnancy Center, which is now named Assurance. They gave me a pregnancy test and scheduled an appointment for me with an OB/GYN, Dr. Hicks. I went to Dr. Hicks’s office. We talked, and he gave me an ultrasound. For the first time, I saw my daughter and heard her heart beat. Even after that office visit, I was still very confused. I did not want to be a single parent, but I could not bear the thought of being with John. That chapter of my life was over.
I contacted John and asked the pregnancy center if he could accompany me during my next visit. As Dr. Hicks administered another ultrasound, I mentioned that we were considering an abortion. Dr. Hicks looked at me, patted my arm, and with a warm smile, he said, “You loved this child the first time you saw it.” For some reason, I never forgot that. After that doctor’s visit, I would still consider other options, such as Christian adoption, but not abortion. A week later, John graduated and moved back home to the East Coast.
My daughter was born three weeks early. She was healthy, but her knee caps were soft. For the first two weeks of her life, she was home with casts on both of her legs. Overwhelmed by thoughts of the grim reality of single motherhood, I sat down and cried. The tears lasted for about five minutes until I remembered the promises of God concerning her. In the word of God, Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” The Lord has truly been my strength.
Life as a single mom was hard. I didn’t know any single moms, so I was still isolated, except for my beautiful daughter. I worked two jobs to equal a 40-hour week. During and after my pregnancy, I realized the mistake of putting my trust in a person that was not worthy of it, and I contended for a much better life for my daughter. It was not easy being a single parent; I made some poor choices as we were both growing up. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I asked the Lord to give my daughter favor in school with her teachers and to let her life be an example of GOD’s love, grace, and mercy for all people to see. I promised to raise my daughter in the house of the Lord; and I did. My daughter often jokes that she was born on a Sunday and has spent every Sunday since in a church. I raised her to the best of my abilities and listened to wise council. Through the good times and the bad, the Lord accepted my repented heart.
Isaiah 61:3: “To comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.” I was blessed to have a beautiful relationship with my daughter as a single parent for 10 years. Then, I met my husband, who is in ministry. He has provided a very good life for me and our daughter. God has healed the hurt in my heart. I can say that God has given me beauty for ashes. He has answered my prayers.
My daughter is a young woman now. She dedicated her life to God as a young child and serves tirelessly in various communities both professionally and within the ministry. She is a psalmist, international evangelist, and missionary. Her life is lived to the glory of God. She teaches other young adults and teens about God and His desires for their purity. When I see her, I see the favor I asked God to place upon her life while I carried her. She graduated high school with top state honors was recruited by Ivy league colleges, but she chose to stay here out of devotion to the ministry. Her collegiate experience was very different from my own. Instead of night clubs and volatile relationships, she frequented churches, honors consortiums, and planted ministries. My daughter quickly earned three college degrees: a BS, MS, and a Juris Doctorate. In addition to full-time ministry, she currently works as an Adjunct Professor at a local college.
Yes, I have made many mistakes in my life, but having my daughter was not one of them.
Expectant Mother: as you contemplate the life within your womb, understand that your child’s life can far surpass your personal failures. God creates every life with purpose; cling to that truth, and find hope. Consider options that honor the life of your child and trust God’s leadership and commitment to you. Be assured that He will honor those who honor life, and no matter how bleak the journey ahead seems, God can light your path.
Katherine (From the Other Side of Through)