What Real Forgiveness and Redemption Feels Like

Over the last few years, I felt a heaviness in my heart for babies and women. Considering the huge political debate surrounding the abortion issue, the fact it was on my mind didn’t really surprise me. But I questioned whether or not I even had anything to give. So, I decided to have a real conversation with God. I confessed that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. A nudge from Him for me to step out in faith was all I received.

Because I didn’t know where or how to start, I told God that I was going to reach out to my church. It was up to Him to do the rest – and boy did He! Although I was laser focused on serving others, God was laser focused on me.

Through my church, I found Assurance. Upon sharing my calling with the leadership at Assurance, they recommended that, as a first step, I go through their ReKnew class. It was a workshop dedicated to helping post-abortive women heal. Although I really didn’t think it was necessary, because of my trust in God, I agreed to participate.

My name is Kim. I became a Christian forty years ago. Thirty years ago, I made the choice to have an abortion. I convinced myself that bringing a baby into my world would be wrong. For many selfish reasons, I decided to end my baby’s life. The “procedure,” as they called it, was fairly quick. It was the aftermath that haunted me.

I woke up sobbing on the table at the gravity of my “choice.” Still partially under the veil of anesthesia, I asked if my baby had been a boy or a girl. No answers would come.

Eventually, I thought less and less about my baby as the day-to-day life of college graduation and full-time work became reality. The thought of the sex and what he or she would look like crossed my mind every now and then.

At thirty, I married, and then I had a baby girl at 35. She was beautiful – and I didn’t deserve her. It hit me like a ton of bricks. The child I killed should have had the same love, protection, and adoration as this one. Over the next few years, I thought about my unborn child a little more. Suddenly, a woman’s “choice” became a magical act. When abortion became something praised by particular members of society, I decided I must act.

When I began the ReKnew program at Assurance, all I could think about was how I couldn’t wait to get through it so I could begin to help babies and other women. I wasn’t prepared for the journey on which God took me.

The process caused emotions to bubble over that I hardly knew were there. Buried so deep inside, it took some time to sort through them all. During this time, I learned what real forgiveness and redemption feels like. My walk with Christ deepened, and my faith soared. The women who walked this path with me were such an integral part of my healing process as well. I was so thankful.

My heart has expanded so much for the unborn and for post-abortive women. Currently, I am working on a book to educate people about the destruction caused by abortion. If we truly want to empower women, those of us who have suffered should share our stories. Telling the truth has truly set me free. Praise God, and thank you, Assurance!